to my heart, on the hard days

it’s natural to want to shy away from the pain,
to stay far from the places you used to go
to shove the pictures in a box under the bed
and fall deaf to the music that brings memories.
it’s so much easier to say, ‘i don’t care anymore, i’m over it,’
than it is to admit how much it really hurts.

but how can we can expect to grow from this experience
if we’re too busy pretending not to feel anything?
how do we expect to rebuild
when we refuse to let ourselves be broken?

out of sight, out of mind can only bring us so far
and you and I both know pretending to be unaffected by our losses
will only make it hurt longer,
like forcing a wound to heal before it’s been treated properly.

when will you understand the beauty in being so honest?
have you stopped to consider how brave it actually is
to reveal the most broken parts of yourself?
to present yourself to the world as you are now:
unfiltered and raw.

there’s no need to feel embarrassed by the depth
and intensity to which you have loved.
nor should you feel shame by how deeply
the loss of this love has affected you.

this isn’t a game; it never was.
there are no winners and losers here.
you have permission to put your
bravest face and i-dont-cares on the line
so you can say what’s really on your heart
‘this really fucking hurts today.’

so instead of running from the pain,
sit with it.
become friends with it.
lay it all down and cry out,

‘JESUS!
I can’t carry this anymore.
it’s too heavy.

please, it’s all yours.’

go ahead and surrender your pain
call out to God and let your heart break open
be unashamed and unafraid.

for it is only when we give it all to Him,
when we trust His plan,
when we PRAISE Him for the storm,
will we begin to feel the work He is performing in our lives.

so today, let us lay our dreams to rest
retire the plans we clung to.
it’s time to make way for His dream,
for His plan.

because I have faith,
that the plans we had for our life
cannot even hold a candle
to what He has in store for us.

xx.
ariana

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