I know it’s been tough. Not knowing what comes next. And I’m writing this to tell you I’ve been struggling with it, too. I understand that it feels like you’re traveling in five different directions, but are unsure if any of them are the right one.
I know what it feels like to hit the ground running every single morning, only to go to sleep in the same place every night. I know you’re discouraged, alone, and tired. But I’m here to tell you that it’s all going to work out in the end.
And since I can’t tell you all this myself, I’m writing this in hopes that it reaches you one day:
I hope you know that I pray for you often. I pray you wake up with a full heart every morning. That when your alarm goes off, you wipe the sleep from your eyes, draw your curtains open, and say good morning to God. I hope you thank Him for what He worked on while you were sleeping and feel prepared to receive whatever he has in store for you.
I pray you find that dream job you’ve been thinking about. You know, the one you’re not quite sure is your dream job yet, but you think about it when you’re standing on your feet for 8 hours a night, waiting tables and driving alone at 2:00 am.
I pray you finally finish those classes you’ve been taking and get that degree you’ve been working towards. I know it’s taken you longer than you expected. But might I suggest it’s actually taking you the perfect amount of time? Perhaps you were always supposed to be here, right where you are now, because God’s been working on something BIG for you. And if it were to come at any other time, if you were to finish any sooner than he had planned for you to be finished, it wouldn’t be perfect timing. And if there’s anything we know about Him, it’s that his timing is always perfect.
I pray you find the courage to leave home; to get out of the town you grew up in and see the world you’ve been dreaming about since you were 16. I hope you come to realize you’ll probably never save up as much as you think you should. That if you don’t leave now, you’ll always be chasing some imaginary number you believe will give you the security to uproot. I pray you realize life continues to move forward despite those extra zeroes in your bank account and that sometimes you have to build the boat out at sea. (I pray this for myself, too.)
I pray you find peace on your hardest days. That when you can’t get to sleep at night, and when you can’t pull yourself out of bed in the morning, you think about the beautiful life ahead of you. And even though it’s hard to imagine it right now, even though you have no idea how you’ll get there or when, I hope you find peace knowing this is not your forever; if it is not good, it is not finished yet.
I pray you find love again. And I’m not talking can’t-eat-can’t-sleep-can’t-breathe-without-you kind of love. I’m talking the real thing. A love so much greater than all the other loves you’ve had in your life, it knocks you right off your feet. A love that pushes you to be better and encourages you to grow. A love so strong and secure, you could build mountains on it. A love that brings you closer to God and makes you laugh until your stomach hurts. I pray you find a love you can build a marriage on. A love that never falters. A love that isn’t perfect, simple, or easy, but so damn worth every pinch of effort, you’ll be thanking God every single day for bringing that person into your life. (I pray this for myself, too.)
I pray you forgive yourself for all of the things you swore you could have done better and for all the things you never did. Forgive yourself for the things you said and for the things you never had the courage to.
But of all the things I pray for, I mostly pray for your happiness. Because I know how hard you’ve been working and I know how much you’ve been hurting. And even though it feels so far away from you right now, I encourage you to keep going. Keep working, keep praying, keep moving on.
Because I have faith one day this will all be worth it for you.
But since I can’t tell you all this myself, I’m writing this in hopes that it reaches you one day.
I really hope this reaches you one day.